When will you understand how much you hurt me?


I just don't get what I did to deserve this. I didn't do anything wrong. Why? Aren't you happy that you completely destroyed me?

I don't deserve this. I really don't.

I have feelings too! I'm not relevant to anyone though. I feel like I have no more people who would go out of their way for me. It's always for you. It's so messed up, you get to be so happy knowing how much you ****ed me up while my own friends leave you for me.

As if there aren't enough scars on my arms already..

You knew exactly what would happen. Think about it. What the hell is wrong with you?


but I

loved you more than anything,
waited for you,
got hurt every single day for you,
comforted you,
trusted you so much,
texted you every day you were gone,
was your best friend,
cried every night for you,
dreamed of you,


worst of all, I gave you everything I had in me.

...and I'm still willing to wait for you.

I'm so tired and mentally out of it. I've hit my limit and mental capacity. Every single day I watch you laugh with my own friends that I'm now pushing myself away from. Not only did I lose you, my best friend, but a close friend, and I'm about to lose so many more, all because of you. Every single time I see you I get so hurt. I self-harm because of you, overthink because of you, and you're the root cause of all of my stress. The only thing keeping me sane now is a basketball. I plaster a fake smile on my face every single day so no one becomes concerned about me. I try to stay as happy as I can on the surface while underneath I'm dying. Everything I had within me is now gone, and you stole it from me. Every single day I think about what you told me.
"I would never lose feelings for you"
"I'm very fortunate to have you too"
"I love you anya"
"I miss you"
"anya I want to be with you"
"my precious"
how does that turn into
"we can stay friends once we're over each other"
"I don't wanna be friends with you when you're still attached to what he had before or just in general still like me and have expectations for us to end up again"
"and if I'm being honest I don't think I'm gonna like you again"
you still continue to play with my feelings. I'm in such a ****ed up place right now because of you and you still don't bother to comfort me. Whenever my friends cry you comfort them right in front of me, but whenever I cry, you just leave me. I have no one to turn to, I have no one to lean on, no one to trust anymore. It's so overwhelming and all I can think about is you.

I don't deserve this at all, I never wanted to hurt you, and I never played with your feelings.

I told myself I wasn't going to get mad ever again because I knew how much it affected the both of us. I was trying to improve for you. It was always me that gave you everything and you gave me nothing.

You said that you never wanted to break my heart yet here we are. Are you happy yet?

Was everything just a broken promise?

What about all the plans that we made?

How come I can't lose feelings for you?